Maine

I am headed to Maine this weekend to visit my mom's dad. He is turning 80 in March, and is the only grandfather I've ever know. I love him. But he doesn't talk.

I don't mean not at ALL...I just mean he is very taciturn and is usually happy to sit back and observe. I know how much my visiting means to him, so I go, and he is a sweet, kind man. But it is odd to travel 4 hours one way over a weekend to hang out with a guy who will probably speak less than 4 sentences.

Grandpa has always been this way, and I think I could learn a thing or two from him. Still, it's in my nature to be chatty and his to be quiet, so I think sometimes we both feel at a loss. I know that his lack of need or desire to speak is what made him able to be married to my grandmother all those year, that's for sure. Maybe there would be more peace in my household if I kept my mouth shut once in awhile.

Here's to a weekend that will prove this phrase: do not speak unless you can improve the silence.

A Pictoral Display of My Life

I am barely clinging to sanity lately. I feel exposed and needy. I am catty and impurrfect.

Open House Haiku

It is Open House night at school tonight. I have to sit in my room from 6:30-8:00pm and say "hi" to somewhere between 70 and 280 parents. This figure varies widely, because some students live with only one parent, and some have two divorced parents who have each remarried.

It is never fun, usually awkward, and always tiring. I was "on" for an entire school day today, and now I have to go back and be "on" again?! Poo! I genuinely like meeting parents and seeing where the kids come from; heck, I like people in general! But after a full school day, and for an hour and a half, that is just too much.

So, here is my haiku:

Open House tonight
Would be more fun with a buzz
But I can't get fired.

Please Share Your Stories

Justin and I spent over two hours tonight receiving budgeting and credit counseling at our Credit Union. The lady was very nice, and it was overall a positive experience. So why did I cry two separate times driving home?

It's because it makes me so sad to finally face where we are financially. We will have my car and our credit card debt all paid off in the next four years, and that will free up a lot of money per month. Plus, our salaries will only be higher then, because both Justin and I will have our Masters and have more years under our belts as teachers.

It is just so frustrating to be in this place 2 1/2 years ago we took out our mortgage and Justin had a much different, much higher paying job. After he was laid off, he went back to school to be a teacher, and then worked two part-time jobs. Now, finally, we are both employed full-time again, and here we are.

Oprah says "When you know better, you do better", but what is aggrivating here is that I always knew better. Having an outstanding balance on a credit card is not good, and I knew it. I just didn't have a viable alternative.

If any of your have been in the dark valley of the shadow of credit card debt and come out the other side, please share your stories of hope. I know we can do it; I am just so very, very tired.

The Impossible Has Happened....

...I am currently watching a "Seinfeld" rerun on Fox 44 that I have never seen before. I thought I'd seen them ALL.

Elaine is a maid-of-honor in a wedding in India and George and Jerry are there too. Elaine gets drunk and gets her nose pierced, and confesses that she slept with the groom in the past. George doesn't go to the bathroom the whole time he's there and dyes his boots so they're black to go to the wedding. Jerry is his normal self, of course. Kramer is back home in New York in a wishing competition to un-wish someonenamed FDR who wished Kramer was dead, LOL!

The episode works backwards in time, and seems to have a total different feel/pace than most shows. It is adding to the feeling of absurdity that has lingered around today. We had auditions for Belle today for our school's production of "Beauty and the Beast"; I am co-directing. Let's just say that it was like an "American Idol" audition gone bad. If you cannot SING, how can you get the lead role in a MUSICAL?!?! The musical director and I were actually joking that she and I could sing backstage so the vocals are live, and just have the actress lip sync.

We haven't even asked if any of the girls who auditioned for the lead can dance. I am hoping they can, and better than Elaine.

A Good Example of Murphy's Law

We have had a rainy, humid, gross summer in Vermont. We started back to school last Wednesday. Every day has been sunny and near 80 since then. *sigh* Murphy's Law, I guess, which is defined by the infallible source Wikipedia as "anything that can go wrong will, at the worst possible time." So maybe I just mean that it's ironic.

I plan to enjoy it over this three-day weekend. I am contemplating a nice 4-mile walk to my parents' house today, and then making my mother drive me back home. I love the fall; it is my absolute favorite season. However, I feel like I am savoring the last bites* of summer here, and need to really enjoy it. Plus, a little exercise never hurt anyone on her weight-loss journey.

Thought it might literally hurt me. My knees have given me issues since I was about 12. I have done PT off and on for my right knee especially. I have patella-femoral chondromalatia, and know that my years of basketball and bike riding did it no favors. I really like to stay active, and my right knee has been so bad lately that walking up hills or the elliptical or just regular stairs at working are causing me significant pain.

I have an appointment with my GP on Friday, and I saw her in May about this. After trying PT AGAIN, I am thinking I may be referred to a orthopedist. My PT said that I am "really strong", and that other than improving how I stand/knee/sit to put less stress on my knee joints, there isn't a lot she can do. I bought special firm insoles for my sneakers too, but I'm not getting relief. Knee surgery freaks me out, but I just don't think I can continue normal life when I'm this uncomfortable- I'm only 27 for crying out loud!

I was talking with a friend at work who is very fit, and has some joint problems. She's a runner, and she made the observation that Fatty McFats, who sits on the couch and only walks to the fridge and back, has no join problems, because he doesn't use them at all. Women like her who are very active and slim, or even me, who is somewhat active and heavy, have the wrecked, painful joints. Doesn't seem fair, Murphy.



*I mean to type "bits", but then bites seems more poetic, and appropriate since I am food-obsessed, so I left it.

Day One....for the umpteenth time

So, I am back on Weight Watchers as of today. I have gained back most of what I lost doing SBD, but not all of it, which is good. I started teaching again today, so my schedule is normal and predictable again. Best of all, I can't eat all day even if I want to, so that helps. It is time to buckle down and have a few good months before the holidays set in again. Another good piece of news today is that a local gym is running a 3-month pass for $89 special for teachers, which is really cool! I am thinking of taking advantage...

When I started this weight-loss journey last November I wanted to lose 100lbs by November of this year. I haven't. I'm at 50lbs lost so far, with 2 months to go. UGH! I could've gotten there if I hadn't dicked around so much. It is so frustrating to me! There is that evil, lame, lazy side of me that wants to just throw in the towel and say I failed, so I might as well keep failing.

The timeline I gave myself was arbitrary, though. It can take me 5 years to lose 100lbs, but if I lose it and keep it off, who cares about the timeline?

Then AGAIN, I have a huge family reunion for Justin's family next summer, and my 10 year high school reunion, and I will be defending my thesis. I want to look and feel GOOD.

Sometimes I think being addicted to meth would be better. At least I'd be thin.