This school year has been tough so far- really, really tough. I am very upset to have such trying children and (in general) thoroughly unsupportive parents. Most of the teaching staff I work with is not helping either...though my principal has been helpful.
I haven't posted here in over a month. I have been busy, sure; I helped put on a musical at my school, I'm taking a grad class, and I have had parent/teacher conferences. I have ALSO had 6 meetings with parents outside of the regular yearly conference. That means 6 kids out of 6 have been really terrible. I can think of another 10 whose parents I wish could meet with. I am just miserable teaching this year, and that has never been the case.
So I guess I'm saying the reason I haven't posted here is because I've been miserable. I know I tend to focus on the negative- just by nature, I'm a pessimist and a glass half empty kind of girl- but this year has been very hard. When a veteran teacher on my team who has been in education for 35+ years said this class is in her all-time Top Three of most difficult, I know I'm really up against something.
This is also my second year with these cherubs, since we loop. I've been with this class since August of 2008, and will get rid of them only in June of 2010, God help me.
I guess the one up side here is that I've been reevaluating my career choice, and I think I may want to work on my M.Ed in Psychology once I've finished my M.Ed in Reading this summer. I will probably give myself a breather in between, but originally when I went to school for teacher, moving on to the counseling side of things had always been in the back of my head. Now it's moving to the forefront.
Anyway, Thanksgiving break is coming up this week, so I get 5 days away from the kiddos to get perspective. Or just get loaded.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
My Dog is a Failure
I took my Golden Charlie to a therapy dog training session on Sunday. In my area of the country, therapy dogs might lay quietly while students read to them, or make visiting to nursing homes or hospitals. Charlie is friendly and handsome. He is also only 2 1/2 years old, which is still a very hyper young age in dog years.
The first hour of the session was the assessment, to see if the dog would pass; the second hour was a class on how to improve the areas on which the dog failed.
Charlie did not pass the assessment. He was a super boy on all but two things: he would not heel well, and he jumped up.
I am the one who walks Charlie, so I know he doesn't heel. He pulls, drags, tugs, yanks, and hauls, but he doesn't heel. And this is with a pinch collar on! FAIL ONE.
In several different instances, Charlie jumped. He jumped on a man in a wheelchair, on a man who came over to pat him, and on a group of people who surrounded him. To be fair, in the first two instances the person was patting his lap/chest and egging Charlie on. That is just too tempting to a Golden, but he must learn not to jump. In the last instance, myself and four others encircled Charlie to see if he freaked. He didn't; he just jumped up to say hi. FAIL TWO.
So, I know what I need to practice with him. I am proud of how well Charlie worked and how hard he focused. I hope someday he and I can contribute to the wonderful group that is Therapy Dogs of Vermont.
The first hour of the session was the assessment, to see if the dog would pass; the second hour was a class on how to improve the areas on which the dog failed.
Charlie did not pass the assessment. He was a super boy on all but two things: he would not heel well, and he jumped up.
I am the one who walks Charlie, so I know he doesn't heel. He pulls, drags, tugs, yanks, and hauls, but he doesn't heel. And this is with a pinch collar on! FAIL ONE.
In several different instances, Charlie jumped. He jumped on a man in a wheelchair, on a man who came over to pat him, and on a group of people who surrounded him. To be fair, in the first two instances the person was patting his lap/chest and egging Charlie on. That is just too tempting to a Golden, but he must learn not to jump. In the last instance, myself and four others encircled Charlie to see if he freaked. He didn't; he just jumped up to say hi. FAIL TWO.
So, I know what I need to practice with him. I am proud of how well Charlie worked and how hard he focused. I hope someday he and I can contribute to the wonderful group that is Therapy Dogs of Vermont.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Maine
I am headed to Maine this weekend to visit my mom's dad. He is turning 80 in March, and is the only grandfather I've ever know. I love him. But he doesn't talk.
I don't mean not at ALL...I just mean he is very taciturn and is usually happy to sit back and observe. I know how much my visiting means to him, so I go, and he is a sweet, kind man. But it is odd to travel 4 hours one way over a weekend to hang out with a guy who will probably speak less than 4 sentences.
Grandpa has always been this way, and I think I could learn a thing or two from him. Still, it's in my nature to be chatty and his to be quiet, so I think sometimes we both feel at a loss. I know that his lack of need or desire to speak is what made him able to be married to my grandmother all those year, that's for sure. Maybe there would be more peace in my household if I kept my mouth shut once in awhile.
Here's to a weekend that will prove this phrase: do not speak unless you can improve the silence.
I don't mean not at ALL...I just mean he is very taciturn and is usually happy to sit back and observe. I know how much my visiting means to him, so I go, and he is a sweet, kind man. But it is odd to travel 4 hours one way over a weekend to hang out with a guy who will probably speak less than 4 sentences.
Grandpa has always been this way, and I think I could learn a thing or two from him. Still, it's in my nature to be chatty and his to be quiet, so I think sometimes we both feel at a loss. I know that his lack of need or desire to speak is what made him able to be married to my grandmother all those year, that's for sure. Maybe there would be more peace in my household if I kept my mouth shut once in awhile.
Here's to a weekend that will prove this phrase: do not speak unless you can improve the silence.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Open House Haiku
It is Open House night at school tonight. I have to sit in my room from 6:30-8:00pm and say "hi" to somewhere between 70 and 280 parents. This figure varies widely, because some students live with only one parent, and some have two divorced parents who have each remarried.
It is never fun, usually awkward, and always tiring. I was "on" for an entire school day today, and now I have to go back and be "on" again?! Poo! I genuinely like meeting parents and seeing where the kids come from; heck, I like people in general! But after a full school day, and for an hour and a half, that is just too much.
So, here is my haiku:
Open House tonight
Would be more fun with a buzz
But I can't get fired.
It is never fun, usually awkward, and always tiring. I was "on" for an entire school day today, and now I have to go back and be "on" again?! Poo! I genuinely like meeting parents and seeing where the kids come from; heck, I like people in general! But after a full school day, and for an hour and a half, that is just too much.
So, here is my haiku:
Open House tonight
Would be more fun with a buzz
But I can't get fired.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Please Share Your Stories
Justin and I spent over two hours tonight receiving budgeting and credit counseling at our Credit Union. The lady was very nice, and it was overall a positive experience. So why did I cry two separate times driving home?
It's because it makes me so sad to finally face where we are financially. We will have my car and our credit card debt all paid off in the next four years, and that will free up a lot of money per month. Plus, our salaries will only be higher then, because both Justin and I will have our Masters and have more years under our belts as teachers.
It is just so frustrating to be in this place 2 1/2 years ago we took out our mortgage and Justin had a much different, much higher paying job. After he was laid off, he went back to school to be a teacher, and then worked two part-time jobs. Now, finally, we are both employed full-time again, and here we are.
Oprah says "When you know better, you do better", but what is aggrivating here is that I always knew better. Having an outstanding balance on a credit card is not good, and I knew it. I just didn't have a viable alternative.
If any of your have been in the dark valley of the shadow of credit card debt and come out the other side, please share your stories of hope. I know we can do it; I am just so very, very tired.
It's because it makes me so sad to finally face where we are financially. We will have my car and our credit card debt all paid off in the next four years, and that will free up a lot of money per month. Plus, our salaries will only be higher then, because both Justin and I will have our Masters and have more years under our belts as teachers.
It is just so frustrating to be in this place 2 1/2 years ago we took out our mortgage and Justin had a much different, much higher paying job. After he was laid off, he went back to school to be a teacher, and then worked two part-time jobs. Now, finally, we are both employed full-time again, and here we are.
Oprah says "When you know better, you do better", but what is aggrivating here is that I always knew better. Having an outstanding balance on a credit card is not good, and I knew it. I just didn't have a viable alternative.
If any of your have been in the dark valley of the shadow of credit card debt and come out the other side, please share your stories of hope. I know we can do it; I am just so very, very tired.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The Impossible Has Happened....
...I am currently watching a "Seinfeld" rerun on Fox 44 that I have never seen before. I thought I'd seen them ALL.
Elaine is a maid-of-honor in a wedding in India and George and Jerry are there too. Elaine gets drunk and gets her nose pierced, and confesses that she slept with the groom in the past. George doesn't go to the bathroom the whole time he's there and dyes his boots so they're black to go to the wedding. Jerry is his normal self, of course. Kramer is back home in New York in a wishing competition to un-wish someonenamed FDR who wished Kramer was dead, LOL!
The episode works backwards in time, and seems to have a total different feel/pace than most shows. It is adding to the feeling of absurdity that has lingered around today. We had auditions for Belle today for our school's production of "Beauty and the Beast"; I am co-directing. Let's just say that it was like an "American Idol" audition gone bad. If you cannot SING, how can you get the lead role in a MUSICAL?!?! The musical director and I were actually joking that she and I could sing backstage so the vocals are live, and just have the actress lip sync.
We haven't even asked if any of the girls who auditioned for the lead can dance. I am hoping they can, and better than Elaine.
Elaine is a maid-of-honor in a wedding in India and George and Jerry are there too. Elaine gets drunk and gets her nose pierced, and confesses that she slept with the groom in the past. George doesn't go to the bathroom the whole time he's there and dyes his boots so they're black to go to the wedding. Jerry is his normal self, of course. Kramer is back home in New York in a wishing competition to un-wish someonenamed FDR who wished Kramer was dead, LOL!
The episode works backwards in time, and seems to have a total different feel/pace than most shows. It is adding to the feeling of absurdity that has lingered around today. We had auditions for Belle today for our school's production of "Beauty and the Beast"; I am co-directing. Let's just say that it was like an "American Idol" audition gone bad. If you cannot SING, how can you get the lead role in a MUSICAL?!?! The musical director and I were actually joking that she and I could sing backstage so the vocals are live, and just have the actress lip sync.
We haven't even asked if any of the girls who auditioned for the lead can dance. I am hoping they can, and better than Elaine.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A Good Example of Murphy's Law
We have had a rainy, humid, gross summer in Vermont. We started back to school last Wednesday. Every day has been sunny and near 80 since then. *sigh* Murphy's Law, I guess, which is defined by the infallible source Wikipedia as "anything that can go wrong will, at the worst possible time." So maybe I just mean that it's ironic.
I plan to enjoy it over this three-day weekend. I am contemplating a nice 4-mile walk to my parents' house today, and then making my mother drive me back home. I love the fall; it is my absolute favorite season. However, I feel like I am savoring the last bites* of summer here, and need to really enjoy it. Plus, a little exercise never hurt anyone on her weight-loss journey.
Thought it might literally hurt me. My knees have given me issues since I was about 12. I have done PT off and on for my right knee especially. I have patella-femoral chondromalatia, and know that my years of basketball and bike riding did it no favors. I really like to stay active, and my right knee has been so bad lately that walking up hills or the elliptical or just regular stairs at working are causing me significant pain.
I have an appointment with my GP on Friday, and I saw her in May about this. After trying PT AGAIN, I am thinking I may be referred to a orthopedist. My PT said that I am "really strong", and that other than improving how I stand/knee/sit to put less stress on my knee joints, there isn't a lot she can do. I bought special firm insoles for my sneakers too, but I'm not getting relief. Knee surgery freaks me out, but I just don't think I can continue normal life when I'm this uncomfortable- I'm only 27 for crying out loud!
I was talking with a friend at work who is very fit, and has some joint problems. She's a runner, and she made the observation that Fatty McFats, who sits on the couch and only walks to the fridge and back, has no join problems, because he doesn't use them at all. Women like her who are very active and slim, or even me, who is somewhat active and heavy, have the wrecked, painful joints. Doesn't seem fair, Murphy.
*I mean to type "bits", but then bites seems more poetic, and appropriate since I am food-obsessed, so I left it.
I plan to enjoy it over this three-day weekend. I am contemplating a nice 4-mile walk to my parents' house today, and then making my mother drive me back home. I love the fall; it is my absolute favorite season. However, I feel like I am savoring the last bites* of summer here, and need to really enjoy it. Plus, a little exercise never hurt anyone on her weight-loss journey.
Thought it might literally hurt me. My knees have given me issues since I was about 12. I have done PT off and on for my right knee especially. I have patella-femoral chondromalatia, and know that my years of basketball and bike riding did it no favors. I really like to stay active, and my right knee has been so bad lately that walking up hills or the elliptical or just regular stairs at working are causing me significant pain.
I have an appointment with my GP on Friday, and I saw her in May about this. After trying PT AGAIN, I am thinking I may be referred to a orthopedist. My PT said that I am "really strong", and that other than improving how I stand/knee/sit to put less stress on my knee joints, there isn't a lot she can do. I bought special firm insoles for my sneakers too, but I'm not getting relief. Knee surgery freaks me out, but I just don't think I can continue normal life when I'm this uncomfortable- I'm only 27 for crying out loud!
I was talking with a friend at work who is very fit, and has some joint problems. She's a runner, and she made the observation that Fatty McFats, who sits on the couch and only walks to the fridge and back, has no join problems, because he doesn't use them at all. Women like her who are very active and slim, or even me, who is somewhat active and heavy, have the wrecked, painful joints. Doesn't seem fair, Murphy.
*I mean to type "bits", but then bites seems more poetic, and appropriate since I am food-obsessed, so I left it.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Day One....for the umpteenth time
So, I am back on Weight Watchers as of today. I have gained back most of what I lost doing SBD, but not all of it, which is good. I started teaching again today, so my schedule is normal and predictable again. Best of all, I can't eat all day even if I want to, so that helps. It is time to buckle down and have a few good months before the holidays set in again. Another good piece of news today is that a local gym is running a 3-month pass for $89 special for teachers, which is really cool! I am thinking of taking advantage...
When I started this weight-loss journey last November I wanted to lose 100lbs by November of this year. I haven't. I'm at 50lbs lost so far, with 2 months to go. UGH! I could've gotten there if I hadn't dicked around so much. It is so frustrating to me! There is that evil, lame, lazy side of me that wants to just throw in the towel and say I failed, so I might as well keep failing.
The timeline I gave myself was arbitrary, though. It can take me 5 years to lose 100lbs, but if I lose it and keep it off, who cares about the timeline?
Then AGAIN, I have a huge family reunion for Justin's family next summer, and my 10 year high school reunion, and I will be defending my thesis. I want to look and feel GOOD.
Sometimes I think being addicted to meth would be better. At least I'd be thin.
When I started this weight-loss journey last November I wanted to lose 100lbs by November of this year. I haven't. I'm at 50lbs lost so far, with 2 months to go. UGH! I could've gotten there if I hadn't dicked around so much. It is so frustrating to me! There is that evil, lame, lazy side of me that wants to just throw in the towel and say I failed, so I might as well keep failing.
The timeline I gave myself was arbitrary, though. It can take me 5 years to lose 100lbs, but if I lose it and keep it off, who cares about the timeline?
Then AGAIN, I have a huge family reunion for Justin's family next summer, and my 10 year high school reunion, and I will be defending my thesis. I want to look and feel GOOD.
Sometimes I think being addicted to meth would be better. At least I'd be thin.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Wordle
I not sure if anyone else knows about this website, but I heard about it at an inservice yesterday. It's called Wordle, and it allows you to make "word clouds"- basically, a big image using words. The more times a word is used, the bigger it shows up in the image.
In my inservice yesterday we brainstormed words that fit our values and beliefs about teaching writing. We were in five groups. Our leader typed all the words into Wordle. The words that were the biggest in the final image were the words used most in the five groups, and therefore probably the values and beliefs most of the people in the whole group shared. NEATO!
I happen to be purchasing VitaMuffin tops in another window right now, so I just copied and pasted a paragraph on the corn muffin tops into the Wordle. Here's what I got!
The website specifically says you can use their images for profit, and on t-shirts or anything else. I can see my students loving it. It is fun and practical. WAHOO!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thoughts On Cake
Justin and I will sometimes say to each other "I love you like a fat kid loves cake." We stole this from some movie or show or something- I'm not sure what. It's funny and quick, and despite having the word "cake" in it, not too sweet of a way of sharing our love with each other.
I bought a small cake tonight. Like, half of it is my serving, and half of it is Justin's serving. But it has been a really long week. 4 out of 5 days had inservice, and I lead 2 of those days. The lunches were gross, and I'm tired and in need of a treat. Because of all this, I am hoping that Justin does not want his half of the cake. I could eat a piece now at 7pm, and know it's not the last piece. I could savor it, and it wouldn't totally gone. I could eat the other piece at 9pm. Pretty literally, I would be having my cake and eating it too.
I have never understood why there was an expression "caked on". It is usually referring to something foul, and cake itself is such a lovely thing. There is a Dawn dish detergent add about caked-on grease, or when a dog or cat rolls in something gross, it gets really caked-in their hair. This phrase is really a disservice to cakedom everywhere.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Summer Is Over
Tomorrow is the first whole-school inservice day. That means my summer is over. Fittingly, today was a beautiful day, about 80 degrees and sunny. A nice end to freedom. Still, I am always so conflicted at this time of year!
I love the fall and I love school. Pumpkins and mums and crisp nights and cool days are wonderful! I got married in the fall because it is my favorite season. And I get excited every September for school to start back up. I enjoyed school as a student, and I enjoy it as a teacher.
But there is a sadness to nature as the leaves fall off the trees. I have to wear socks again as the weather gets cold, and I love being barefoot. And school is my job. Let's face it, jobs are a drag. I work to make money; if I didn't have bills, I wouldn't teach. I don't love it THAT much.
So the end of August and the beginning of September are kind of a no-man's-land for me. Very transitional. I guess I don't know how I feel right now, other than anticipatory.
I love the fall and I love school. Pumpkins and mums and crisp nights and cool days are wonderful! I got married in the fall because it is my favorite season. And I get excited every September for school to start back up. I enjoyed school as a student, and I enjoy it as a teacher.
But there is a sadness to nature as the leaves fall off the trees. I have to wear socks again as the weather gets cold, and I love being barefoot. And school is my job. Let's face it, jobs are a drag. I work to make money; if I didn't have bills, I wouldn't teach. I don't love it THAT much.
So the end of August and the beginning of September are kind of a no-man's-land for me. Very transitional. I guess I don't know how I feel right now, other than anticipatory.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Apprentice Foodies

Justin and I made this delicious summer tart for supper last night. It features a phyllo base with mixed greens, red grapes, and red onions as topping. Asiago cheese finishes it off. It was just wonderful.
We have been trying to do three things lately that seem mutually exclusive: eat cheaply, eat locally, and eat well. I think last night we succeeded. The cheese is from Vermont, and the salad we had on the side featured veggies all from our garden or the local CSA. The grapes were on sale at the grocery store, and the meal was superb!
The recipe is from Lynne Rossetto Kasper's "The Splendid Table" which is on NPR every Saturday. We got her cookbook for Christmas from my brother-in-law, and every meal we've made from it has been very tasty. Not all of them have been cheap, though. We're doing a chicken with leeks recipe tonight from her book. The leeks are from our garden and the chicken was raised locally, organically, and free-range. I think every little bit helps.

Thursday, August 20, 2009
Mental Illness
This post will be short, and it's not autobiographical. I just think mental illness is by far the most unfair affliction visited on the human race. If your leg is infected, the worst case scenario is that you cut it off. What happens when the diseased part of your body is *YOU*?! It is hard to separate one's personality and essence from an illness that destroys exactly that part of a person.
Mental illness is scary. It is pervasive. It is misunderstood. Most of all, it just seems so deperately unfair.
Mental illness is scary. It is pervasive. It is misunderstood. Most of all, it just seems so deperately unfair.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Peppermint Foot Balm and Budgeting
Justin and I are going hardcore onto a budget this year. It is time to build an emergency fund, start paying off credit card debt, and know where our money goes. In an effort to not spend anything unnecessarily, I have been going through my "stinky shit" as my brother Marc calls it, to find and use what I already have.
It turns out that I have a LOT of stinky shit. I have 6 kinds of lotions, and 4 of them have matching body mists. I have 2 other body mists that are on their own. I have peppermint foot scrub, peppermint food balm, and peppermint reviving leg gel. I have special cloth gloves to put my hands in after using an avocado scrub, and an avocado renewing cream. I have 2 shower gels in the shower currently, and two that I have rotated out that are more winter-smelling. 2 of these have lotions with them. I have a lip scrub. I have various hotel samples of body wash/shampoo/conditioner/lotion. I have a mint julep facial mask. THERE IS MORE! I'm just not done sorting yet.
I remember reading that rotating toys for young children or dogs is a great idea, because if they have only 5 or 8 toys they will play and keep track of each, but more than that and the child or dog gets bored and can't appreciate them all. If you pull "new" toys out of a closet every few weeks and rotate the old ones out, without spending any money your child/dog will be continually delighted.
I am trying the same thing out on myself. Sniff me every fortnight and see what you get!
It turns out that I have a LOT of stinky shit. I have 6 kinds of lotions, and 4 of them have matching body mists. I have 2 other body mists that are on their own. I have peppermint foot scrub, peppermint food balm, and peppermint reviving leg gel. I have special cloth gloves to put my hands in after using an avocado scrub, and an avocado renewing cream. I have 2 shower gels in the shower currently, and two that I have rotated out that are more winter-smelling. 2 of these have lotions with them. I have a lip scrub. I have various hotel samples of body wash/shampoo/conditioner/lotion. I have a mint julep facial mask. THERE IS MORE! I'm just not done sorting yet.
I remember reading that rotating toys for young children or dogs is a great idea, because if they have only 5 or 8 toys they will play and keep track of each, but more than that and the child or dog gets bored and can't appreciate them all. If you pull "new" toys out of a closet every few weeks and rotate the old ones out, without spending any money your child/dog will be continually delighted.
I am trying the same thing out on myself. Sniff me every fortnight and see what you get!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Julie and Julia, Duck and Carbs
Justin and I had a great date night last night. I had a gift certificate to Leunig's Bistro on Church Street, so we went there and lingered for over an hour on a great meal: duck pate as an appetizer, braised pork shanks as my main meal, and Justin had half a duck. The food was just superb, and my "French 75" (champagne, muddle lemon, sugar, and a cognac topper) was delicious! Justin had no complaints about his two martinis either.
After the meal, we went to Julie and Julia at the Roxy. The move was just over two hours long, but it went by so quickly! We just loved the film. It was sweet and funny and the acting was really excellent. It was nice to see a movie that made marriage seem like a GOOD thing. And, it was also very wise to eat a full, wonderful meal before we went. The food in the film looked gorgeous and delicious!
On a note that Julia Child would NOT approve of- I have to hit SBD again hardcore starting tomorrow. It was a pretty impossible week for me to be successful, but I need to gather myself again and launch back into it. It occured to me today that in the summer of 2010 I have both Justin's family reunion (think about 200 people) and my 10 year high school reunion. I need to get crack-a-lackin' and be drool-worthy by then. It seems like a lot of time, but I know weight loss, and a year ain't nothin'.
After the meal, we went to Julie and Julia at the Roxy. The move was just over two hours long, but it went by so quickly! We just loved the film. It was sweet and funny and the acting was really excellent. It was nice to see a movie that made marriage seem like a GOOD thing. And, it was also very wise to eat a full, wonderful meal before we went. The food in the film looked gorgeous and delicious!
On a note that Julia Child would NOT approve of- I have to hit SBD again hardcore starting tomorrow. It was a pretty impossible week for me to be successful, but I need to gather myself again and launch back into it. It occured to me today that in the summer of 2010 I have both Justin's family reunion (think about 200 people) and my 10 year high school reunion. I need to get crack-a-lackin' and be drool-worthy by then. It seems like a lot of time, but I know weight loss, and a year ain't nothin'.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Oooooh Baby Baby
This past week two women I went to high school with had their first babies. Lauralee had a little girl named Grace, and Kristin had a little girl named Ella. My co-worker's twin sister had a little boy named Ian. I also have a sneaking suspicion that several of my co-workers will announce they're expecting this year. They each have one young child, and have hinted about adding to their families.
I went to a conference for three days earlier this week, and of the four of us who went, two women were breastfeeding. Clearly their children weren't with them, so they were pumping. I actually found the noise very soothing; it was rhythmic and soft. Peeking in the mini-fridge was amusing though, let's just say that. By the third day away, they missed cuddling with their babies and were homesick.
It seems like pregnancy and babies are everywhere around me. I just don't know how I feel about it. Well, I mean, I am happy for the moms of course, but I don't know how I feel about it for me. I like babies and I like puppies, and I think if you put both in front of me I would gravitate towards the dog. What is wrong with me? If anything?
Perhaps this just means I'm not ready. Maybe I'll never be ready. I just feel too old already. I am 27 1/2 years old, and I have bad knees. I have read in several sources that the risks of birth defects go up after age 30, and my mom had had three children by that age. I worry that if I go too long without having kids, I will get comfortable and never have them. I'm selfish, and I like my life and my free time- not that I do anything so wonderful with it.
I am also a control freak. I like to have everything pinned down and orderly. From what I have seen with my friend Corrie's three kids, there is rarely anything orderly about motherhood. Twenty minutes late for an appointment? Normal. Poop spattered on the wall? Par for the course. Those three boys are lively, beautiful children, but "pinned down and orderly" they are not. Not many children are.
But if I don't have kids, who will gather around my table for the holidays? Who will carry on my wild hair and my husband's green eyes? Who will take care of me when I'm old? Even those questions seem rather selfish, probably an indicator I am not ready. From what I have observed from the amazing mothers around me, having children is about the most selfless thing one can do.
I am just waiting for The Universe to smirk at this post and zap me.
I went to a conference for three days earlier this week, and of the four of us who went, two women were breastfeeding. Clearly their children weren't with them, so they were pumping. I actually found the noise very soothing; it was rhythmic and soft. Peeking in the mini-fridge was amusing though, let's just say that. By the third day away, they missed cuddling with their babies and were homesick.
It seems like pregnancy and babies are everywhere around me. I just don't know how I feel about it. Well, I mean, I am happy for the moms of course, but I don't know how I feel about it for me. I like babies and I like puppies, and I think if you put both in front of me I would gravitate towards the dog. What is wrong with me? If anything?
Perhaps this just means I'm not ready. Maybe I'll never be ready. I just feel too old already. I am 27 1/2 years old, and I have bad knees. I have read in several sources that the risks of birth defects go up after age 30, and my mom had had three children by that age. I worry that if I go too long without having kids, I will get comfortable and never have them. I'm selfish, and I like my life and my free time- not that I do anything so wonderful with it.
I am also a control freak. I like to have everything pinned down and orderly. From what I have seen with my friend Corrie's three kids, there is rarely anything orderly about motherhood. Twenty minutes late for an appointment? Normal. Poop spattered on the wall? Par for the course. Those three boys are lively, beautiful children, but "pinned down and orderly" they are not. Not many children are.
But if I don't have kids, who will gather around my table for the holidays? Who will carry on my wild hair and my husband's green eyes? Who will take care of me when I'm old? Even those questions seem rather selfish, probably an indicator I am not ready. From what I have observed from the amazing mothers around me, having children is about the most selfless thing one can do.
I am just waiting for The Universe to smirk at this post and zap me.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Update On The Score
Team Croissant: 1
Team Ice Cream: 1
Team Brownie: 1
Team Bagel: 1
Emily: 0
Ooooooh boy, am I enjoying the Stoweflake and the fine restaurants Stowe has to offer!
Team Ice Cream: 1
Team Brownie: 1
Team Bagel: 1
Emily: 0
Ooooooh boy, am I enjoying the Stoweflake and the fine restaurants Stowe has to offer!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Delicious Challenges
I am going to a 3-day conference at the Stoweflake, a resort and inn in Stowe, Vermont. It is a really beautiful place, and has won all sorts of awards. I feel lucky to get to stay there for a few days, and I think the information on student writing I will get from the conference will be really helpful.
It won't help my diet, though! I just finished Day 9 of SBD, and I weighed myself this morning. I am down another 3lbs, which puts me at 9lbs lost in under 2 weeks, which is SUPER! I am transitioning to Phase II for this week, since I know Phase I will be too hard to maintain away from home. But looking at the menu at this place, www.stoweflake.com/dining.aspx, I am in trouble regardless. Lot of delicious carby food, and breakfast and lunch are provided! I will fight the good fight, but I'm not sure if I care if I win the fight or not, HA!
NOM NOM NOM!
It won't help my diet, though! I just finished Day 9 of SBD, and I weighed myself this morning. I am down another 3lbs, which puts me at 9lbs lost in under 2 weeks, which is SUPER! I am transitioning to Phase II for this week, since I know Phase I will be too hard to maintain away from home. But looking at the menu at this place, www.stoweflake.com/dining.aspx, I am in trouble regardless. Lot of delicious carby food, and breakfast and lunch are provided! I will fight the good fight, but I'm not sure if I care if I win the fight or not, HA!
NOM NOM NOM!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
SBD: Day 8
Breakfast: Almond Soy Energy Shake
Lunch: Cashews, celery w/guacamole, ham and cheese roll-ups,
Dinner: big salad, grilled turkey burger w/cheese
There will be a fudge pop or two in here, and I already drank my Coke Zero for the day. I really am having great success with this plan, but I don't find that my energy for exercise is there. I mean, I feel great during the day, light and awake and fine, but I did an hour-long Zumba class last night and felt done in.
Starting Monday I will ease into Phase II, since I will be away from home for three days and keeping strictly to Phase I will be too difficult. I think I will "miss" it, knowing how quickly and well I am losing weight on Phase I.
Lunch: Cashews, celery w/guacamole, ham and cheese roll-ups,
Dinner: big salad, grilled turkey burger w/cheese
There will be a fudge pop or two in here, and I already drank my Coke Zero for the day. I really am having great success with this plan, but I don't find that my energy for exercise is there. I mean, I feel great during the day, light and awake and fine, but I did an hour-long Zumba class last night and felt done in.
Starting Monday I will ease into Phase II, since I will be away from home for three days and keeping strictly to Phase I will be too difficult. I think I will "miss" it, knowing how quickly and well I am losing weight on Phase I.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Grow, Nails, Grow
I am a nail-chewer. I hate to admit it, because I have so many other shortcomings as a human being, but there it is. I chew them mostly when I am reading, but also when I am watching TV or anxious. I realize that it is a totally disgusting habit, and I want to quit. So, once again I have painted over my nubbin nails with a strengthening polish and I am sitting on the hand that isn't holding the book when I read.
I have a long history with nail chewing:
I remember a family friend (who had nice nails) offering to pay for me to get a manicure once a month until I graduated from high school if I would just stop chewing my nails. I think I was 12 at the time. I thought that was the coolest, most adult thing. But I kept chewing.
When I was about 8, my dad bought this nail polish that tasted horribly bitter. It left a tangy, gross aftertaste in my mouth when I bit my nails. So, I would take my two front teeth and scrape all the polish off my nails at one time, then drink a glass of milk to get rid of the taste. Then, I could go on and chew my nails as I pleased, bitterness-free!
It is rought to teach with ugly, stubby nails. I point to things on kids' papers or on the overhead, and my finger just look nasty! School starts in less than a month, and I'd like my hands to look a bit more polished, no pun intended.
I grew my nails out for my wedding, just past the tips of my fingers. I thought they looked so good! And they've gotten to decent lengths on and off since then. But right now...not so much. My 5-year anniversary is in about 2 months, so hopefully by then I will have some nails to give Justin a back-scratch with.
I have a long history with nail chewing:
I remember a family friend (who had nice nails) offering to pay for me to get a manicure once a month until I graduated from high school if I would just stop chewing my nails. I think I was 12 at the time. I thought that was the coolest, most adult thing. But I kept chewing.
When I was about 8, my dad bought this nail polish that tasted horribly bitter. It left a tangy, gross aftertaste in my mouth when I bit my nails. So, I would take my two front teeth and scrape all the polish off my nails at one time, then drink a glass of milk to get rid of the taste. Then, I could go on and chew my nails as I pleased, bitterness-free!
It is rought to teach with ugly, stubby nails. I point to things on kids' papers or on the overhead, and my finger just look nasty! School starts in less than a month, and I'd like my hands to look a bit more polished, no pun intended.
I grew my nails out for my wedding, just past the tips of my fingers. I thought they looked so good! And they've gotten to decent lengths on and off since then. But right now...not so much. My 5-year anniversary is in about 2 months, so hopefully by then I will have some nails to give Justin a back-scratch with.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
What Justin Found In His Classroom...
The image to the right is only a suggestion as to what Justin found sitting on the back shelf of his classroom; I have not actually been to his classroom, and therefore had to use my imagination and Google Image Search to add something here for you to picture as I describe this scene.Justin just got a new teaching job, praise the Lord, at a school in northern Vermont that shall remain nameless here. Upon first entering his classroom and exploring, he realized that there was a large bucket sitting on the back shelf. Inside he found a roll of toilet paper, a folded shower curtain, a flashlight, and an AM-FM radio.
As background, a "Clear The Halls" event in schools could be something like a chemical spill or a shooter in the building. All students go to the nearest classroom, the doors are locked, and students stay in a corner away from doors and windows until the threat passes.
Justin asked a fellow teacher what was the purpose of this bucket o' treasurers. He was told that in the event of a "Clear The Halls" emergency that lasted awhile, the flashlight and radio would be used, of course, for their obvious utility. The shower curtain would be held up/erected by the teacher, and students could urinate or defecate as the spirit moved them, into the bucket, behind the privacy of the shower curtain, and wipe with the toilet paper.
Now, if there were REALLY a situation serious enough to cause a lockdown, I know that I would be one of the first people in line to use said bucket; those situations would literally scare the crap out of me. But storing the radio and flashlight in the bucket seems risky. One trip behind the shower curtain without assuring the bucket was empty, and those valuable tools would be rendered useless.
SBD: Day 4
Well, I am finishing out Day 4 here on good ol' SBD. I felt normal all day today, which is a really good sign. I think hopefully my blood sugar is all evened out and my body has adjusted. I went to the gym and did 20 minutes hardcore on the Stair Master and 20 minutes at medium level on the stationary bike. I felt a little bit like turd at that point, I'm not going to lie, and when I got home 45 minutes after I stopped exercising my husband said I still looked "red and hot". So maybe I am a little ways from adjusted still, but I feel good overall. I weighed myself last night, and in the past week (only 3 days of which were on SBD, but I also had a night of food poisoning) I lost 5.8lbs. That is super cool!
Today's Food:
Breakfast: Almond Energy Smoothie (almonds, silken tofu, light vanilla soy milk, yogurt)
Snack: 2% cheese stick
Lunch: Taco Salad (lettuce, tomato, seasoned lean beef, 2% cheese, black olives, 1/2 avocado)
Snack: 20 cashews
Dinner: Grilled steak, steamed broccoli, small salad
Dessert: No Sugar Added fudge pop
I have had water, Coke Zero, and tea for beverages as well.
I am thinking at this point that I will not do a full 14 days of the Phase One on SBD. I am staying in a hotel next Monday and Tuesday nights and eating all my meals out, so it will be close to impossible. I will probably switch to Phase Two for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of next week, then see what I feel like doing next- staying on Phase Two or going back to Phase One for a little bit. That will make a total of 9 days in Phase One, which isn't the best, but is better than nothing. And I can always go back!
Today's Food:
Breakfast: Almond Energy Smoothie (almonds, silken tofu, light vanilla soy milk, yogurt)
Snack: 2% cheese stick
Lunch: Taco Salad (lettuce, tomato, seasoned lean beef, 2% cheese, black olives, 1/2 avocado)
Snack: 20 cashews
Dinner: Grilled steak, steamed broccoli, small salad
Dessert: No Sugar Added fudge pop
I have had water, Coke Zero, and tea for beverages as well.
I am thinking at this point that I will not do a full 14 days of the Phase One on SBD. I am staying in a hotel next Monday and Tuesday nights and eating all my meals out, so it will be close to impossible. I will probably switch to Phase Two for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of next week, then see what I feel like doing next- staying on Phase Two or going back to Phase One for a little bit. That will make a total of 9 days in Phase One, which isn't the best, but is better than nothing. And I can always go back!
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Sign
Do not ask me WHAT got this song into my head, but it has been ear-worming me for the past 6 hours now and counting. Back when I was in middle school we did "Star of the Week": we got to put a ton of information about ourselves up on posters with our picture, and for one week the poster hung in the classroom and that student was "featured". I put The Sign down as my favorite song, but for the artist I wrote "Ace THE Base" instead of "Ace OF Base". I got so picked on! One of the cool boys in the class called me a "wannabe" and said that I wasn't popular and with-it enough to know the actual artist of the song. I was a poser in his book. I felt so mortified. 

Nothing has changed since then as far as my musical knowledge goes. I always know the lyrics to a song but I can never tell you who sings it. I would like to think that I am a more self-confident person now, though. Maybe I'm able to laugh off more things that in the past would have really humiliated me. I'd like to think so.
No one's gonna drag you up to get you into the light where you belong.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Day One on the South Beach Diet
Henceforth to be known in this blog as SBD, this eating plan cuts out basically every carbohydrate for the first 14 days, then works in most healthy carbs (whole grains, fruits) after that. However, for the next 13 days, I will be eating lean meats and poultry and seafood, eggs, lean cheeses, and vegetables. That's it. So today was fine, but I am already dreading doing this through August 14th. That seems a long time away, and I am spending two nights away at a hotel during this time. I know most of the junk food in my life is from worthless carbs, so this is really good for me, but at the same time, I'll bet $10 I dream of a bowl of cereal before this 2-week period is up.
Today's Food:
Breakfast: 2 mini-quiche egg cups (egg, reduced-fat cheese, mushrooms, spinach, onion)
Snack: 3 thin slices of smoked deli turkey
Lunch: grilled chicken, tomato, artichoke, and feta salad
Snack: 2% cheese stick, celery
Dinner: stuffed mushrooms, caesar salad with grilled shrimp
Dessert: no-sugar added fudge pop
I have drank water, green tea, and one Coke Zero throughout the day. I feel pretty good right now...ask me again in a few days.
Today's Food:
Breakfast: 2 mini-quiche egg cups (egg, reduced-fat cheese, mushrooms, spinach, onion)
Snack: 3 thin slices of smoked deli turkey
Lunch: grilled chicken, tomato, artichoke, and feta salad
Snack: 2% cheese stick, celery
Dinner: stuffed mushrooms, caesar salad with grilled shrimp
Dessert: no-sugar added fudge pop
I have drank water, green tea, and one Coke Zero throughout the day. I feel pretty good right now...ask me again in a few days.
Salutations!
I always loved that greeting from Charlotte's Web: "salutations"! And so, welcome everyone! I am once again trying to keep a blog. Some of you may remember the ill-fated "Never Eat More Than You Can Lift" blog I launched back in the late fall. For several reasons, I did not keep up with it, and ultimately deleted it. This blog will hopefully not meet a similar fate.
I really think I will use this blog to ramble...which won't surprise anyone who knows me. I will write about my weight loss journey, my pets, my work on my Masters thesis, my family, my job, and the terrible state of the world in general.
To answer the question that is my blog name, I Googled. Here are some suggestions for what rhymes with Emily: bumble bee, enemy, simile, anemone, skillfully....
I really think I will use this blog to ramble...which won't surprise anyone who knows me. I will write about my weight loss journey, my pets, my work on my Masters thesis, my family, my job, and the terrible state of the world in general.
To answer the question that is my blog name, I Googled. Here are some suggestions for what rhymes with Emily: bumble bee, enemy, simile, anemone, skillfully....
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